In response to Zeb’s query

Well, in case all of you who are unfortunate enough to visit my blog and worse still read it, here is what Zeb asked…….. I like to alternate between Zeb and Shahzeb though I don’t know why I do it – maybe it makes me look cool either directly or indirectly – because people might think “oh! Cool name – must be a cool guy – nice group of friends Akrur has – he is one cool guy”. The failed micro-economist in me cannot help but mention the “Transitivity Assumption”….. Oh damn!!! I almost always veer off and before I do it again here’s what Shahzeb asked “When people from outside come to visit my city – read Mumbai (strictly not “Bombay” – I don’t want to be lynched) – what do I show them?”… I am proud to say I have the answer. “Show them the best sights of any city in India – heaps of rubbish and varieties of crap”. So, even as I face the threat of being labeled a cynic, I can’t help but reply to all the people in the country who think we are developing real fast (real high-rises, malls, rising salaries, corporate lingo including the most preferable “F-word” and just f@#$ing forget about the poverty….) -----

“LET IT RAIN FOR THIRTY MINUTES”

In thirty minutes of rain, the entire city blooms and lets the beholder sink in the “stink”. Rubbish heaps galore, drains overloaded, piles of crap all over. So Zeb, next time you want to know what to show people when they come to visit Mumbai – show them the rubbish heaps – show them the various varieties of crap that you can see on the street – all colors and all sizes glistening due to the water from the rains – show them the dirt in India’s financial centre – the waterlogged street from a thirty minute downpour – can any other city match ours? This is what we have achieved and God knows what would happen when Manmohan Singh’s vision of Mumbai being the world’s next big financial hub comes true. It could even turn out to be a tourist attraction like Venice with its waterlogged streets – maybe we would have waterlogged streets without the rains as well. In that case Mumbai would however have to fight it out real hard with other cities like Guwahati (I am sure to be the next target of the ULFA), Kolkata (the Bongs wouldn’t like this one bit) and many others. But, then Mumbai has a number of aces (or maybe asses) up its sleeve – don’t think too much ….no, not just Bollywood – we have “terror tourism” as well (Ramu’s thirst of “blood and gore” might be a direct consequence of his using his hands too much off late – the nymphs seem to be deserting him). But, that we will reserve for later (btw expert opinion on terrorism coming up soon!!!). Now back to the rains, the crap and the rubbish. So, hail Mumbai!! Bring it on ye Gods – I mean the rains and we will retaliate with all that we have got (both inside our body and outside it and make it Mumbai Shining).

So, Zeb – u got your answer? And to those patriots (of the country/ region/ state/ city/ municipality/ locality/ cooperative housing society) who are planning to teach me a few lessons in love for the mother/ fatherland, get Zeb as well. He is the one who asks the questions (No prisoner’s dilemma involved here – Zeb’s one of my best buddies, so I’m not gonna have it being slaughtered alone)